In 13 weeks I’ll be wearing a bridesmaid’s dress in my cousin’s wedding. There will be pictures. I’ll be expected to smile and act like I’m having a good time.
I am afraid that I will be cringing and hoping that somehow the images of me in all the pictures will be mysteriously blurry. Because I feel fat. It doesn’t help that the bride and her sisters are all tiny. I don’t want to look like some hulking ugly fairy godmother hovering in the back.
I was asked to be in the wedding in November or December, but I haven’t done a thing my weight yet. I did manage to not gain any weight over the holidays. And I have worked out a few times a week in the last 3 weeks. It’s not enough. I know that.
I’ve been carrying this weight for almost 3 years. I’ve been complaining about it and starting and stopping exercise and diet programs every other month or so. I’m beginning to doubt my ability to make the fundamental changes needed. Actually, I’ve always doubted it.
As I see it, I have only two options if I don’t want to miserable at that wedding. I can lose some weight or I can decide to like who I am with it. It sounds so simple, so overwhelming.
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