Beating My Head Against A Wall

Wow. At this rate I won't post again for 4 years. And I'll have added another 20 pounds by then!

So what's changed?

I quit that round with Weight Watchers pretty quickly. I've continued to slowly gain weight. I've started exercise programs and quit them all dozens of times. I've learned to completely ignore certain parts of my body when looking in the mirror. I had a health scare and have struggled with getting the medications correct for managing my depression symptoms.

And 3 months ago, my family moved to another state.

I was hoping the move would have a bigger impact on my health than it has. We moved to Oregon, and everyone here seems pretty obsessive about being outside and being healthy. We literally live across the street from a park so I started walking the dogs. It seemed perfect - my 4 year old could be on the playground while I did a few laps around the walking path. And it was great until the 4 year old decided it wasn't. And it turns out that my Jack Russel terrier is a pain when there are other dogs around. And then my husband's new work schedule returns him home later than before, and he shorted out the elliptical's control board by using the wrong plug, and blah, blah, blah.

I am full of excuses.

So now what?

Don't I Know You From Somewhere?

Almost a year. And nothing changed.

Oh, wait! We bought an elliptical trainer for the house instead of joining a gym. And I use it at least a few times a week.

So I joined Weight Watchers again 2 weeks ago. Just the on-line version because really? Sitting in a room full of other people repeating the same crap that's been running in my head all week? Not my idea of support. Or fun. Or useful.

I mostly wanted to use the food diary and weight tracker. Which I can do for free at other sites. But where's the motivation when it's free?

So I've filled out the food diary exactly 4 times. In two weeks. Because I'm smart like that.

I'm in a pissy ass mood about the whole thing. Can you tell?

Back Again. Really.

Nothing like taking an 17 month break! Most of that involved my pregnancy (which went swimmingly) and adjusting to life with two energy filled boys. Well, they're energy filled; I'm exhausted.

While I did stick to gaining less weight with this second pregnancy (aided by 5 months of morning, noon, and night sickness), I've managed to continue putting on weight since then. It's more than a little disheartening that I was in my prepregnancy clothes 2 weeks after giving birth but am currently back in my maternity clothes. Ug.

So I bought a new pedometer yesterday. I have plans to visit some gyms over the next week and figure out if we can afford adding that expense to our budget. I might even check out some on-line diet programs. Have I mentioned, ug?

Well I have all new reasons to make healthier choices now that I'm pregnant again. I've struggled with my weight so much since Q's birth that I know I'll be happier if I manage my weight better this time around. Last time I used being pregnant as an excuse to binge freely. I only gained 37 pounds, not totally awful. But since I'm starting about 15 pounds heavier, I'll probably be healthier and happier if I don't repeat the behavior.

Better Choices

After beating myself during the last post, I resolved to at least think about the choices I was making. We spent the weekend out of town visiting family, and to my utter surprise, I made much better choices. Simple because I thought about what I was doing before stuffing something in my mouth. It was empowering.

I've managed to lose 5 pounds since the beginning of the year. It's not exactly the miraculously melting pounds that I dreamt of, but I think it's probably better than that. These have been small changes, things that make me feel better instead of more desperate for food.

Bad Choices

Well I suppose it's obvious that I haven't been doing so well with the weight loss. Because if I was having success, I'd be writing about it! Which is really the whole point of the weight loss blog, right? We hope to make better choices because we have to record what those choices are for the whole world to see.

Success and Motivation

I had a little success - yeah, me! I followed a workout schedule I found in Women's Health for an entire week (I did miss one strength workout). The best part is that without counting calories, I managed to drop a pound. Of course now I haven't worked out for 2 days, and I have a cold. Of course 2 days is really nothing. If I were a coach, I'd tell myself that 2 days is more of a mini break than a total break down. Back in the saddle today...

I find that one of the best motivators for me is shopping. I love cute clothes, but I find my figure and my size limit my options. I don't feel comfortable in many of the outfits I'd like to wear, and I can't even shop at some of the stores I used to frequent because they don't carry my size. As a bridesmaid in the April wedding, I don't have to worry about what I'm wearing to the ceremony, but it would be nice to wear something super wonderful for the rehersal dinner. I think I may need a few minutes of drooling over Anthropologie dresses to get myself fully motivated...